"Before I knew it, I was 15 and pregnant."
I was born in 1982 to parents who smoked through the 70’s. My dad was a military brat and my mom was raised by the foster care system. My parents argued over money and drugs. They divorced when I was six. My dad didn’t visit for months. He was depressed and distant. I never felt my dad's approval.
Living with my mom, I witnessed dysfunctional relationships and alcohol abuse. I was molested twice and exposed to pornography early on. All this hurt left holes in me that I would seek to fill through others. It didn’t take long to get the boys’ attention and before I knew it, I was 15 and pregnant.
Paralyzed by shame, a future beyond this was unthinkable. If my mom knew, she’d keep me from my boyfriend. My entire universe had revolved around him. A clinic verified my pregnancy and the 'counselor' agreed I only had one option. I believed the lies of the industry, that it was a painless procedure and just a "clump of cells."
Counting backwards, the anesthesia took affect. I awoke in the worst pain of my life. No one in that place seemed to care. I was just a number. My body healed quickly, but I was undeniably changed that day. I alienated myself from friends and clung to my boyfriend. I went from academic excellence to failing classes. Feeling depressed, I fed my emotions, gaining 80 pounds that year. No one saw the isolation in me.
Life did go on. I had children and I married that high school boyfriend, but the strain mounted and drinking became my antidote for the unspeakable pain. Tired of cheap fixes, I decided to try church one day. I was skeptical. God was patient; drawing me back again and again. He showed me that He could provide everything I ever needed. Despite (or maybe because of) my growth, my marriage ended. As God was rebuilding me, He finally showed me that the abortion had been holding me back. Contrary to the media portrayal of this good choice for women, I began to see it wasn’t.
God first brought me Kristie. With her help, I began to find healing from my abortion through a bible study at the pregnancy center. Later, on an IRMA Network weekend retreat, God revealed that I had aborted my first set of twins. When I acknowledged my babies in Heaven, I even named them and I haven’t forgotten them a day since. My living twins, two sets, look forward to meeting them... one day!
I am blessed to work in the pro-life arena. As the Director of The IRMA Network, my job is to shine light on the dark truth of abortion and to reach out to those wounded. 2Chronicles 7:14 says that when people, called by His name, humble themselves, pray, seek His face, and turn from their ways, He hears from heaven, forgives their sin and heals their land.
He hears! He forgives! He heals, even from the shame and guilt of abortion. Thank you for reading my story!